Why am I living on this earth?

Can I be myself? Or should I be someone whom people expect me to be? I don't know.

Out of the sudden, I'm experiencing an identity crisis here.

Many a times, it's confusing whether to be yourself or not.

For instance, time and again, I make plans/activities for myself. Like say, I want to go out with my friends on Fri for a KBox session, everything has been planned out and stuff. But, out of nowhere, I will be asked to change plans for other things. It could be that because of cell group I gotta change plans, or because I have a family event or something else to tend to.

And because I have to be a pleasant girl, I got to keep all the unhappy feelings inside of me. Because from now on, I am not going to rant to anyone or whatever. I feel vulnerable nowadays. Crying seems to be common for me now. What am I becoming to now?

Probably, my christian friends will tell me I'm going through a process whereby God is trying to mould me.

Well, maybe.

But I think I'm bound to fail God.

I'm not exactly angry with specific people here. I'm just angry about how things are going, how my life is going, and the things that I have to go through and face.

I'm very hot-tempered, and I guess this is the biggest weakness I've got to overcome. I think I need counselling sessions on how to curb my temper.

I didn't work at preschool today. Simply because I did not want to go there and feel glum the whole day. The kids there can definitely make me smile. But I want to give something back to them also - joy.

I think i really suck as a person. But I really thank God for my BFF Glorianne. She is really a great friend to me. Someone whom I can't bear to think I'll part with if she migrates to New Zealand before I migrate also. As much as Glorianne being a great friend to me, I hope I am also a friend good enough to her. Babe, I hope you're reading this. (:

"So many people walk around with a meaningless life. They seem half-asleep, even when they're busy doing things they think are important. This is because they're chasing the wrong things. The way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself into loving others, devote yourself to the community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning."  -- Tuesdays with Morrie--

I'm no longer going to plan things. Even though it supposed to be "If you fail to plan, you plan to fail", to me, whether I plan or not, my plans fail, so it makes everything fail.

Where is my happiness? The happiness that I've been searching for all my life.

It's been 5 days since I saw my Mandarin Gardens Kindergarten (MGK) kids. I miss them alot!!

Took a informal class photo with them before I left. But a few students were absent in the photo.

But still, I'm a lil' comforted, knowing that I'll be working there tomorrow. Can't wait to see the adorable children again!

Here's a pic of little Sara (a japanese girl) and me... She's very small-sized, and that maked her very very CUTE and nice to play with! Haha. She's still wearing diapers. She's my little companion everyday when I was working in the preschool, when she comes over to my class (N2) for lunchtime and play time...

In case I don't have the time to blog a post about another student in my class, Katelyn, I just want to say that her birthday cake is so princessy! A barbie doll cake!

On that day, when her birthday party was over, her mum and I were talking. Katelyn's mum, Mdm Jennifer, was asking if I want to babysit her 3 children. She says I seem to be someone who's capable of helping her to discipline her two sons (who are older than Katelyn). She also mentioned something that made my day, by saying, "I can see that you're someone who knows what you're doing."  This sentence has assured me that a parent trusts me with their child.

Haru (another jap girl in my class), is a quiet and nice girl in my class.

Her mother was chatting with me the other day. And her mother told me that Haru often mentions about me (a.k.a Teacher Belle), and said many good things. When Haru's mum heard that I was leaving the kindergarten, she told me this, "I feel that it's such a pity if you leave..."

How nice to hear these things right? Only Julia, Haru and Katelyn's mummies know that I was leaving the kindergarten. They all asked the same question, "Why are you leaving?"

Well, of course I told them that I had school. Here I am now, experiencing the kickstart of a new semester.

Thank God that I've got fridays free again like the previous semester. Or else I think I'll be really worn out. (: